Emotions In Check, Head In The Game
Tips for a Harmonious Divorce Mediation Part Two
- Self elect to be a reasonable party to your divorce case. You control you. No one is able to control the other person. If you show up calm it might help the other party calm down, potentially leading to some agreements.
- Listen to what your gut is saying. There are many professional resources out there to help with virtually any facet of divorce. If your gut is not happy with the decision you may be making, you will have to live with that decision for a long time to forever.
- Any communication between both of you, always reply at least one hour after receiving it. The response needs to be without emotion and more business-like in tone. No need to reply to the blaming or accusations. Just ask what is your proposal or supply your own proposal. Don’t reply to the accusations, ignore them.
- Try not to blame it leads to more blame, accusations around, and around it goes. It creates a wall for the blamed party which never helps negotiation. Fundamentally, keeping the communication open and civil is a way to move forward.
- Use alcohol and other drugs in moderation. We understand divorce is hard. Self-medicating will probably add to the negative emotions. Being self-aware is better than burying the emotions. The emotions will still be present after the buzz wears off.
- Pick and choose the important items to desire for in the process. In essence, “is this the hill you would like to die on?” Choosing every hill to die on will probably lead to further conflict and a lengthier outcome.
- Self-care is very important. Having good sleep routines, meditation, mental health help, etc. is extremely helpful. How can you be in a negotiation frame of mind if you are sleepless? It is near impossible to do.
- It is super helpful to keep the aerial view in your thoughts for the outcome of your divorce. Make a list of what you are seeking and keep to those important items that you have outlined. It is not about the other party winning or losing. What are your needs and are they being fulfilled?
- Everything is around the kids. How are you supporting them in the new reality, two households? Meals are not the most important item to argue about at the other parent’s house. If one parent was the caregiver it is okay for the other parent to help with those duties, since two households are happening in the future. Don’t blame the history for the inequitably of the parental responsibilities while married. The division moving should be different, both contributing when able to do so.